i get lost in thoughts. the words pile up. i don’t know where to start.
i want to recall everything with joy. capture every second, but the moments have already faded. i gotta to remember to ask you what do you remember.
i cannot reach you.
i keep asking myself how much time are those 10 days gonna cost me. a lot longer, i fear.
i list things i wish i had gotten to know about you. it’s like you are dead.
(i sob and tell mom: it’s like he’s dead.)
i wish i could write like i once did. something beautiful. something worthy (of you).
fucking. gorgeous.
i still ask myself: why. perhaps that’s why i keep trying to come back.
i’m convinced it’s because of the way people look at you. but i saw you. way before. and i knew.
(still don’t have a clue. why. you.)
i’m feel pretty sure that once i dove that deep, you could never follow me. we would have to fall together. something kept you. (i suspect you’ll never tell.)
i feel drowned and alone.
things will eventually fade. hopefully, not as much. hopefully soon enough.
meanwhile – at least i’ll try – i get to write.
