you look happy.
big smile on your face, i think i could count fifty teeth on that grin. you make jokes and, as i did bet, nothing could set the two of you apart.
i revisit rooms and furniture and playlist belonging to a such troubled time and such happy moments. i remember trying to help put together those chairs to complete the landscape to my most fulfilled self. it remains like nothing has changed.
and finally i’m able to cry.
while i imagine, how would it be if i read all this having you in my life? would i be burning my wrists? drowned in my bawling, dialling the same number over and over only to find no answer? and would i once again, angered by the memory of one of your clever quotes “those who matter don’t call and those who call don’t matter”? would we be having screaming matches by now?
no wonder you are happy. no wonder i can hardly cry.
and, when i can, as of right now, i feel such an intense flow of peace, even joy of, one, that grin did not die, and it is gorgeous, two, i was truly so happy, three, not even that could stop what you two have. and of all the possibilities of right now, it turned out to be the very best.
and as i go shopping for expensive wide windows looking out to scenic views, i glance around the rooms and ask the walls: will i build such intense moments here as i did inside that attic apartment? then i look out and smile:
the sky is most definitely as blue.
